Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
