DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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