Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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