i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I wish you could order shots online.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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