Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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