Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
i think my mom watched the whole time
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
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