So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
