No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
