She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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