I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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