I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
