Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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