I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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