I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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