and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
wow bdsm is so cute
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
