you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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