I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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