dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
At least make sure they are 18
Why
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Come see our sink grown plant.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize