"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
