But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
