I think I won the penis lottery.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Well I just put wine in my tea
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
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