Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
