its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
