i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Randomize
