All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
