At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
