You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
The cops high fived after they tackled you
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
