I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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