then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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