He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize