I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize
