Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
