Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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