A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
