How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
