Taylor Swift is so right about you.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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