what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
