my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Randomize
