I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
im holly from the hills drunk
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
