Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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