i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
he just fucked me for my cheese.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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