he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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