i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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