What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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