id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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