tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Randomize
