You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
