someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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