who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
