i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
