dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
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