I think I won the penis lottery.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
How naked do you want me to be?
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
