You can't special order awesome
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
that may or may not have been my penis.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
