Im at strip club and am horny
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
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