I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I'm too high and old for this...
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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