Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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