if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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