I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
