he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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