you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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