New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Randomize
