whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize