I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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