my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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