is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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