Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
