We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
