Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
